Heaven

There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven;

but more often I find myself wondering whether,

in our heart of hearts,

we have ever desired anything else

C.S.Lewis, (1940) The Problem of Pain. Chapter 10: Heaven

Sometimes I have struggled with the thought of heaven. I don’t just mean the process of getting there. Dying. Moving on. Passing away. Going, as Hamlet says to “that undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns.” (Act 3, Scene 1). It is not something that anyone who is alive can hope to avoid.

My struggle is more about the place. Where is it? What is it? What on ‘earth’ will I do for all that time? Traditional images and impressions picture a place I am not keen on. A place in the clouds, full of bright lights and hymn singing…for ever! A place of endless crowds, endless noise, all doing the same thing … forever! A place where all I learned in this lifetime is gone. Where I am no longer me, but one of a massive throng. A bit like the Borg in Star Trek, I am ‘assimilated into the collective’.

The Heaven I would like is one that is interesting and captures my attention. A place that is like now, but with no pain, sadness, death. A place that makes sense of my life now and gives me hope that there is a purpose in living forever. That the life I live now is not a waste, but preparation for more. Not so much a place, places: vast countries to find and explore, new things to discover, people to meet and friendships developed. A place where I can actually talk with God, rest with Him, live with Him, with nothing in the way between us. As the Puzzle the donkey declares in last chapter of The Last Battle “Further up and further in”.

In his chapter on Heaven Lewis puts it like this. He says, that there is a longing in each of us, for something, but we do not know quite what it is, or if we will ever get it, but the longing for it is so real.

“something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of all other desires …you are looking for, watching for, listening for”

Lewis, p. 150

I so know what he means when he says about those moments, when we feel real joy, a connection with something we have always longed for. He says it could be looking at a beautiful view, being with a friend, listening to water ‘clap’ against a boat.

Whatever it is, it’s a moment when the world seems to stand still because you have had the ‘inkling of something which you were born desiring’ and even say “Here at last is the thing I was made for”. He calls it ‘the secret signature of each soul’. The hallmark crafted into each of us by our Creator. It will be different for each of us, but it is the same longing.

The soul is not the spirit. My spirit is the eternal part of me that will live forever. It lives in my body, that will die. My soul is the seat of the passions, of creativity, of enrichment and fun. Here are my emotions expressed: sadness, joy, fear, anger, disgust, surprise. Heaven is a place where, more than ever, my soul is alive and in touch with the One who created it.

This chimes a chord with me. My husband is my greatest friend. We marvel at how much we have in common, similar likes, views, opinions, pastimes. Our favourite time is, well, together. But there are differences too. We both love to read fiction, but very different books. We can watch the same film, but see different things. We can want to do different things on a day off. I have likes that are mine, skills that I have developed because of what I like, hobbies that I have pursued, friendships that are mine. He has all this too, and we love this about each other. It brings richness to our lives. We talk about them and value them. But they are different.

The heaven I seek is where my soul finds its true home. It is where it was always designed to be. A place of harmony, and yet safe enough for individuals to develop and thrive. Where the passions and interests woven into me now are allowed to fully develop and blossom, for all eternity. The desires of my heart, the interests of my soul, this side of heaven, are not just for now, but just the start. He has more for me to do, and be. More of Him for me to experience and know. I think that is the heaven I am looking for. I think it is all I have ever really longed for.

“In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 16:11) English Standard Version.

Lewis, C.S., 1940, The Problem of Pain. London: Harper Collins.

Lewis, C.S., 1956, The Last Battle. London: Harper Collins

Roddenberry, Gene, 1966 – 69. Star Trek. Paramount Pictures.